On Friday, I introduced the Drama Triangle. Today, you are being introduced to the “Winner Triangle.”
The Winning Triangle was developed by Acey Choy M.Ed., PTSTA. Choy contrasts the unhealthy dynamics of each role of the “Drama Triangle” with healthy dynamics of the “Winner Triangle.”
Assert rather than persecute. Instead of the actions of the persecutor, who blames and punishes – give up trying to force or manipulate others to do what you want. Take on the new behaviors of “doing ” and “asserting “. Ask for what you want. Say no for what you don’t want. Give constructive feedback. Initiate negotiations. Take positive action.
- Be vulnerable, but not a victim. “Victims ” often feel overwhelmed, too defeated to solve their problems and emotions. They look to someone else to do it for them. Instead of the victim role you need to be emotionally mature (vulnerable, not needy), accept the situation you are in and take responsibility to problem solve and function in a more healthy and happy way. Put real thought into what you want and how to get it, and take action to make it happen.
- Be caring, but don’t overstep. We do not want to let our fears, obligation and guilt to control us or allow us to be manipulated into taking care of another person when it really isn’t healthy to do so. Instead of being the rescuer and doing the thinking, taking the lead, doing more than our share, doing more than is asked of us – simply be a supportive, empathetic listener and provide reflection, coaching, and assistance if the person asks and is taking the lead themselves. It is important to recognize the other person as an equal (not one-down) and give the other person the respect of letting them take care of themselves, solve their own problems, and deal with their feelings as they choose. Remember, the rescuer has the most pivotal position on the drama triangle – you are in the strongest position, at least initially, to redirect the dynamic into healthy territory.
Source: BPD Family: Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle